Until yesterday I hadn’t pinpointed how I’ve been feeling, but not quite right. Yes I am mostly recovered from my knee surgery in June , yet I don’t feel quite well mentally. I could cry daily, but I don’t allow myself to do that. I’ve decided it’s grief. Grieving for all we’ve lost this year.
I am, and maybe you are, going through the stages of grief for our democracy. First it was denial. This can’t be happening here, can’t happen to us. Some of it is anger, stage 2. Why don’t more people pay attention and care? A democracy is about the people and we’ve become lax and let this happen. We knew the harm the first term and yet a good portion, enough to win, voted a felon back into office?!
And I have bargained some; maybe we can win some seats or the mid terms and stop the bleeding, but heaven knows a whole lot of damage has been done that will be hard to fix anytime soon, or in my lifetime since I am no spring chicken. Maybe some of the GOP will wake up and push back, though it is taking too long. I am still protesting, calling and writing my electeds, and trying to put out information so that people can be informed.
Some just don’t know what is happening by their choice or busyness. I am still fighting on FB with ignorant people and those who willfully follow and believe anything DJT says and does. Feeling outcast in my own immediate family as I am the only one fighting and many disagree or voted for him. Thankfully I have cousins who agree with me and protest. Some refuse to watch the news, and suggest I do the same, and that doesn’t work for me as I like to be ‘in the know’ and share information. I don’t feel that putting my head in the sand will help anything and I want to feel I have some control in this situation. Sure it might make me temporarily happy, but I feel it is a civic responsibility as a democracy gives us that responsibility. I do take breaks more on the weekend and try to have humor and exercise to keep some sanity.
So that leaves depression next, and maybe that is partially where I am. Every week something I couldn’t even have imagined has happened. He touches everything, and ruins it. He hurts people willfully and without caring about our laws and norms. Also, I have a lot of empathy and feel personally hurt when he harms others. And I love history and am grieving the loss of our home, the White House, as it is being turned into a gilded palace and the historic value is being ignored.
I don’t know if I will ever get to the stage of acceptance. Not while I have a fighting spirit left in my old bones.
Maybe you agree or feel the same?
I couldn’t have stated it more eloquently myself. You put my feelings into words.