This is an exerpt I recieved in an email on mindfulness and I felt it was worth blogging about after more thought. I am currently have two 20 year-olds staying with me who are constantly on the phone texting. As an older person, I have to wonder if we received more validation in the past (as this story points out) from actual face-to-face communication than we do from emailing and texting?
We are now in constant contact with people (do you really have to know my minute-by-minute actions during the day?), yet do we take the time to express our feelings, have something to talk about when we actually see someone in person, and miss out on some of the nuances of personal direct communication? Do we devote more time with electronics than we do with people? I know I spend a lot of time going through email every day at work and home. Before computers, I used that time for other endeavors like taking a walk. Is it the best use of my time? Do we have less actual interactions with our friends and family? Do younger people know how to read body language or solve conflict, or is that done with an emoticon?
My grandson and I also had a recent discussion (he is almost 11). I told him that I often send written notes of thanks instead of just an email. To me, even emails now seem more personal than a text. For many generations, we really took the time to write out a note and send it. I still send birthday cards, Christmas cards, and other cards personally, because I grew up that way, and to give a bit more personal touch. However, I am a communicator and old-fashioned in some regards. I know in some cases without Facebook or email, I might not make that contact at all with distant relatives and friends. I find less and less people even pick up the phone to talk to someone, and send a text instead. I still feel in some cases writing a note is the best form of expression. Don’t you enjoy getting a card in the mail instead of just bills and ads?
Do you agree? What has been your experience? Please read below first before responding.
Check out this true story, from the NotAlwaysRight website.
This happened in Texas, here in the U.S.
Texas has a law against using handheld devices while driving through school zones.
Well, a police officer observed a young, 20-something woman using her phone as she drove into a school zone. He pulled her over and told her why he stopped her.
She said, “But I’m not calling or texting anyone, so it should be OK.”
So what was she doing? “I was updating my Facebook status.”
The officer explained to her that using a handheld device for ANY purpose was illegal. He wrote her a ticket for the violation, and sent her on her way.
Both the officer and the woman pulled away from the curb in their cars.
Still in the school zone.
But the officer saw her AGAIN pick up her phone and start using it.
So he pulls her over again.
“Ma’am, I’ve explained to you once already that you can’t use your phone while driving. I already gave you a citation for that. Now you’ve done it again, while we were still in the school zone!”
And the woman said …
“Officer, I am NOT making a call or texting, so it should be OK. But I did need to send a quick photo of my citation to my Pinterest page.”
I know a lot of people laugh and shake their heads about how obsessed some people become with smart phones, technology, and social media. We can’t believe how people get obsessed with sharing every little detail of their lives via Facebook, Twitter, or Pinterest.
A lot of people think this is a NEW problem because of technology.
But I think this is an OLD problem.
And smart phones and social media have just made it more obvious.
The problem?
The need for external validation.
Throughout history, people have looked for acknowledgement, appreciation, approval, and acceptance from others. And sometimes it goes beyond just simple validation. Some have looked to others for love, joy, happiness, fulfillment, success and well-being.
Whether it’s their closest friends or family members, or even strangers on the internet, people tend to look to others to fulfill the emotional
“holes” they have in the core of their being.
I’m not saying we should never look to others for validation.
But we should do that only AFTER we’ve cultivate internal validation.
After we’ve discovered how to acknowledge, appreciate, approve, and accept ourselves first, before we seek it from others.
The problem of course is the Programmed Self.
It gets in the way of internal validation.
It prevents you from even exploring who you REALLY are.
Underneath all the robotic, programmed reactions you carry with you.
There’s no way you can validate yourself internally, when you have the Programmed Self working to “protect” you from even understanding those
needs. The Programmed Self, especially if you are unaware of it, keeps you from getting anywhere NEAR the point where you can validate
yourself, and give yourself the love, joy, and approval you need.
And if you can’t get validation from inside yourself.
If you don’t already have internal validation.
Then external validation won’t help.
Actually, in that case, external validation is actually “harmful.”
Because instead of filling those emotional holes.
It reinforces them.
And even make them a little bigger.
The first step is (as always) you need to OBSERVE those holes.
You need to get to know them= and really understand them. You need to understand what you are REALLY trying to get when you look to others for
their validation.
That woman with the cellphone above?
Writing her tickets won’t help.
What would help her?
Finding out why she feels the need to seek out near-constant validation.
Why she can’t even drive along by herself without seeking it.
Again this need for external validation isn’t a new problem.
It’s been happening for CENTURIES.
Some of our oldest written records are about people seeking external
validation.
Fortunately, there’s also a centuries-old cure for this.
Plus a few modern tricks and techniques to make the cure a part of your daily life.
Go here next if you wish to learn more about mindfulness:
http://www.ThreeMonkMind.com
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