This year has been another ‘year of the woman’, partially and thankfully because many women have come forward to share their stories about unwanted sexual encounters and harassment which they have experienced. It’s admirable that so many have stepped up! It isn’t easy to do so. And more women continue to come forth.
I believe that the vast majority of women have had some kind of unwanted sexual experience in their lifetime, possibly more than once. That is true for me and for most women I have spoken with about this matter. Most of my women friends have said so, as well as my four sisters. Even my own mother had stories from her high school days in the very early 1950’s,including allegations of serious misconduct from her teachers. I suspect those of us who are older (Baby Boomers) may have more stories than younger women as many incidents were not believed or were never even reported before the women’s movement and legislation in the 1970’s.
Having a ‘grabber in chief’ in the White House and watching his ‘Access Hollywood’ tape possibly encouraged more women to speak up revealing their stories of men’s misconduct. It is also sad that we have such a creepy role model in the White House for young men. Stormy Daniel’s case may just be another nail in the coffin for this Presidency. I admire her for stepping up to tell her story and put herself in scrutiny. It is never easy for women to tell their stories as they are often victimized again. But it also can be cathartic to do so.
Presently, we are in the midst of a confirmation process for a new Supreme Court Justice, namely Brent Kavanaugh. Just last week, Dr. Christine Blasey Ford claimed that he tried to rape her back in high school. Now there will be a hearing on Monday to hear both sides of the story. It is reminiscent of the Anita Hill hearings back in 1991 when she described verbal sexual harassment misconduct by Justice Thomas. Unfortunately, he was confirmed then and sits there today. Now we face this new allegation which is even worse than what Thomas did. We will see if times have changed since 1991. More women are now Senators, and I find her story credible. Also, presuming he is guilty, it is curious that a predator in the White House would nominate another predator. In case you haven’t read the full story, here it is:
The main reason I am writing this blog today is to discuss how we view sexual misconduct and possible ways to bring awareness in order to stop this practice. Some are saying that this incident happened too long ago and it shouldn’t be aired now nor make a difference in the hearings. Statutes of limitation only apply if you plan to go to prosecute. It doesn’t matter to our psychological makeup and memories. The scars remain regardless of the time that has passed. For the women who experience sexual misconduct, they never forget. It sounds like Mrs. Ford even brought this incident up in counseling. No one is trying to put him in jail, only to question his character and judgment and whether he should be approved for a lifetime appointment where he can rule about women’s issues. I don’t think he should be appointed because of this incident and for many other reasons!
Women should be united on this topic and help to put a stop to sexual misconduct. Most of us can recall events that happened to us many years ago, especially those of sexual nature, that likely impacted our development, our psyche and our sexuality. It affects us collectively and individually. Certainly, I recall incidents that happened in junior and senior high school and the fear that I felt at the time. And others as an adult too, even one in recent years with someone running for office. You NEVER forget!
Many of us were afraid to speak up because we wouldn’t be believed or because we would be shamed and made to feel responsible for men’s actions. One time my mother’s friend, a widowed man with boys my age, grabbed me when we were alone and kissed me on the mouth. I was afraid to tell my mother for a long time, but when I did she read him the riot act! Most boys/men were never punished for their behavior because we didn’t tell on them and we let them get away with it. Many men are given a free pass as ‘boys will be boys’. This is unacceptable. This cannot continue and we must protect women from experiencing these unfortunate encounters in the future by speaking up, educating our young people about right and wrong, and bringing up young men to respect women and their wishes.
Also, some have said that we should let this pass since all of us did crazy things back in our youth and many did things they aren’t proud of. It is certainly true that many of us did things we wish we hadn’t, but it doesn’t make it right! And it doesn’t mean we should condone it or encourage it to continue. Nor should we appoint someone with poor judgment to the highest bench in the country! Furthermore, the good men I know don’t, and didn’t do those things to women. They understood that no meant no and most of them wouldn’t have even tried to do these things especially when the woman was unwilling. Miss Ford did not willingly go into the bedroom with Kavanaugh, and he locked the door and did everything to overpower and bully her. She was lucky to get away. I highly doubt the good men I know ever did anything this indecent and it should never be condoned! And it speaks to the character of any man who forcefully attacked a woman in any way.
In the 1990’s my workplace began training about sexual harassment as well as diversity training. Those were beneficial and need to be required in all workplaces and even be taught in schools from junior high on up. I am not sure schools are even providing sex education in school such as I had from 6th grade on and that needs to be taught in conjunction with sexual harassment training.
We can teach our young men and women to be respectful of one another and how to handle various situations. We can also elect good role models and talk about past mistakes. And parents need to talk to their children about it too making certain that young men know that no means no and that force is not acceptable. Girls need to learn what to expect appropriate behavior, and how to speak up when it is not, and also how to avoid compromising situations. Many things happen due to naiveté’ and the lack of knowledge.
Hopefully, the stories that are coming forth will shed a light on this important topic, bring some closure for women who had negative experiences, and fuel the need for educating the youth so that this trend doesn’t continue. Stand up, speak up, learn to say no and to respect NO is NO!
Please check out the new documentary ‘Reversing Roe” on Netflix too.